Get it Done

It is a drive of people to have things done, it seems; out of the way, so that they can be crossed off "the list". Unfortunately, this includes other people as well; there is even that expression, "to write someone off." Once you've made up your mind and have given the person a fair chance and evaluated their merits, what's the use in changing your opinion; why allow all that hard work to be undone by new information? You don't want to have to do that, it is already "done". That's one down, and only 29 million, 426 thousand, and 62 more things to go, right? There is no time to be constantly thinking about what is going on around you, you have more important things to do. Those who get caught up in this are blinding themselves to the truth that there is nothing that is ever 'done' or that will never again need to be re-evaluated. Such a thing does not exist in my experience, and that of many others who speak of these things. Life is a process, one that evolves constantly; the best we can do is accept that. We all need to deal with life on its own terms, and do the best we can by it. Just because we think we understand something one day does not mean it will stay that way forever. Our understanding of the world around us is constantly being revised. We learn new information and make new theories all the time. That is the nature of knowledge and our lives. There is no last anything until we die, and even then there is a lot of debate.

The Terrible Truth About Lying

I have a lot to say on this subject, but I'll try and keep it interesting and of reasonable length; we can always come back to it and discuss it further later. First: as with anger, lying is based in fear. One does not lie if there is nothing to be afraid of by telling the truth, and one does not go through life lying because it is easier. If I were unafraid of saying something to someone on some level, why would I feel the need to make up a lie? Why go through all the trouble of concocting some tale except to placate my conscience or someone's sense of propriety? Telling the truth is easy, it's basically just reporting what happened. The only reason to lie is because one thinks it is better personally, either to advance in status or keep out of trouble. Instead of letting the boss know it was another person, you take credit for something successful. Trying to tell your spouse, "that affair didn't mean anything to me!" because you don't want to lose the security of having them around. Secondly, since no one controls anyone else, lies are one way of getting others to do what you want. If you know (or just suspect) that I won't help you with something you want, you lie to me to make it seem right or proper to help you. You actually trade your own reputation for that item, because when you are found out people around you are less likely to believe you. Instead of being honest and accepting the consequences, even if it's something simple like missing out on a few dollars or being grounded, you change things to your advantage. Last, and most important-even if least addressed: lying always, always, begins within you. When you lie, you always lie to yourself first and worst; you cannot lie effectively to another if you don't believe what you are saying. This means that you have gone through the process of convincing yourself of the lie, you have to accept that piece of unreality to persuade others of it. In doing so, you decrease your own hold on reality, you convince yourself a little bit more of your own importance and correctness. None of which is true; your own needs are not paramount, nor of spectacular concern for the rest of us, only yourself. By lying you make it clear that you place yourself before others, that you don't value the opinions and feelings of your fellow humans. It takes courage and conviction to tell the truth when it's really important, when lives are effected. It's important to talk about what is lacking in a marriage, even if it's difficult to admit being angry, or sorry. Really brave individuals accept rejection, understand the importance of respect, and handle failure well. It is okay to admit to being wrong, because it's okay to be wrong.

Judgment and Judge-mental

It is common to be convinced of the similarity of others to begin with. When one is young, the world revolves around what "I" want or need, and it is only through age and experience that one comes to understand what "other" really means. Even then, there is a common error of thinking others are motivated by the same things as ones' self. Many people never overcome the tendency of interpreting others' actions in light of one's own motivations. How often have you been angry at or, conversely, pleased with someone until they revealed their own reasons for doing something? Until they shattered that perception, you had thought they were slighting or insulting you, or that they had done something out of the kindness of humanity on their own. Then you find out they had a completely different train of thought, which you didn't consider and it's because they really are a different person than you are! Knowing people are different and treating them as though they are different from one's self are not automatic, nor necessarily consecutive. It is all too easy to take this progression only halfway and once one realizes that others are truly different, to leave off, to begin discounting it. It is important to continue and understand those differences and their significance. Recognizing, accepting, and even valuing differences is a positive thing that many people claim to do. The problem is that it is not a simple, one-step process, it doesn't just happen suddenly; instead, it is accomplished through effortful study and consideration. When one thinks one has it licked, it can change and another piece can rear it's head. What I'm saying is this can easily be a lifelong process, one which is slippery and tricky. But in the end, it frees one from others' emotional weight and gives one a finer appreciation for those others.

No One Is an Island

It is easy to think of people in terms of groups rather than as individuals; this can be seen most readily in schools. Kids hang out in "cliques", rarely venturing outside of these select enclaves and seemingly always engulfed by them. Even the "out crowd" is a group, though it is comprised of those who don't fit easily into other ones. So we have these kids being conditioned to think in terms of who they are surrounded by, and who is easiest to be with. They aren't challenged by, and don't challenge, their peers because they all want to continue to fit together, and the fear of being rejected by those "friends" is too great. Everyone fears rejection, it is natural to dislike being alone and outcast, even those who try so hard to not need others. How does this lead to people behaving as adults? Does this tendency to cling to the comfortable just evaporate after school? I hardly think so, it is generally accepted that the people one befriends in school (the so-called "formative years") are supposed to be lifelong. So these kids become accustomed to being with certain people, and certain types of people. After a while peer pressure seems normal, just fades into the background, and doesn't get noticed anymore. Which just means it doesn't get counteracted, and it is accepted as the only choice. As adults, how does it effect the workplace? What is the impact on governments? Maybe some of these problems we experience aren't such a mystery (most notably we can recall The Bay of Pigs debacle). Groupthink is alive and well when people do not value others' opinions, thoughts, and contributions. When we continue to ignore what "outsiders" have to offer, what a fresh perspective can show us, then we are islands, but islands of insecurity and fear. Such islands and attitudes lead us nowhere, and offer little hope to reach a common ground.

The Cult of the Penis

It seems that many people, but men especially, have the idea that certain parts of their body are somehow special, even that they are “holy” in some way, and therefore get treated differently than the rest. It is strange that some things that are so close to the truth are yet so twisted and misguided. Just as all people are miraculous, our bodies are marvelous and incredible-but this doesn’t mean that one or another person or part is better than the others, in fact it means the opposite, that none can be. People have different abilities and different forms and that is all they are: different. One or another is not “better”, that is the type of thinking that seeks to control others, and love is not about power. The goal is not to conquer or subjugate, but to forge connections and enrich relationships. This goes for sex as well, and maybe especially, since it is an exposure of ones’ entire naked self to another. Not just physically, either, Love and being intimate with someone else requires an exposure of one’s inner self, as well as the outer. This state of vulnerability requires much trust and confidence in whomever you share it with, and it should be revered as an expression of that relationship. Just because a man penetrates a woman doesn’t make her a possession or an object, she still retains all her own sacredness. Men seem to feel that they take possession of a woman after having sex with her, that his ‘mark’ is on her and no one else should touch her because of that, not even herself. The insecurity of men in part stems from this, because they will wonder, “what if the ‘mark’ comes off, or is ‘overwritten’ by another?” These interactions and attitudes are reflected in movies such as Chasing Amy and Closer, demonstrated by characters that pursue and revere sex. These people eventually come to understand that there is no special “mark”, that the special part of the relationship is the love that makes it happen. The relationship itself is all the “mark” that is needed. Understanding the uniqueness of this act, and of the feelings that accompany it, takes a lot more maturity than most people care to develop. We should really be worried more about the mind, because that is the biggest sex organ, and source of all intentions in regards to sex and whether to remain “faithful or cheat”-not the penis or vagina.