Self-Castration is Not Safety

First, I have elected to present this argument initially as a sex issue. This is drawn from the dominant culture arguments on the topic, however, since it is inaccurate I shall strive to bring it back to reality after the initial exploration. Second, and for clarity, I do not support violence in any form. There is no way in which I mean any of the following as blaming or as excusing retaliation. All human issues are complex and complicated, as are we humans. Finally, I can only urge and implore readers to accept discomfort in reading difficult writing; it is by challenging ourselves that we open the opportunity for learning.

 

Men have not taken women's power, and have never given it back. Women do not take men's power, men give up their power-most often in order to see seem less threatening to women. Because the things men are can be seen as negative, men pack away assertiveness, assurance, and audacity. There have been years of overt and covert labeling and shaming of men in order to "make women safe" and "make men less violent". Ironically, taking away a man's ability to defend himself is more likely to result in an act of violence. As a man is rendered defenseless, he feels more vulnerable. This leads to increased likelihood of feeling attacked, as he fears that any attack will be successful (since he can no longer defend himself). There is also the increased risk that an undefended attack will do more damage, even more than the attacker intended. So, this man will be more wary and guarded, which will lead those around him to judge that something is amiss, and suspecting him of being "on edge". This means they treat him differently, he becomes more wary, and the cycle builds until it fulfills itself. This is all backwards, as persons need to reclaim their own power instead of demanding others lose their power. This is where we begin to move away from the "female/male" expression of the issue, as the players can be any groups. Sex, gender, religion, culture, or geographic groups all play out these dynamics.

 

Additionally, there is a tendency for the oppressed to become the oppressors; essentially, for retaliation. This is a cycle of violence wherein each oppressed group fights to get out of oppression and, stuck in the mindset of loss and violation, they seek to victimize/violate their former tormentors in order to demonstrate to themselves and others that they are no longer victims. However, if each group who takes power is prone to this violence, then there is no end to the cycle. Each previously oppressed group goes on to oppress others, creating a future wherein the now-oppressed must fight out of oppression and then goes on to oppress their oppressors. Some group has to be the one to relent and allow for their own victimhood to teach how bad it is, and advocate instead for the elimination for all oppression.

The answer to insecurity is never about tearing down, but rather to build up and raise all to a healthy minimum of self-esteem and power so that the abilities of others poses little threat. When all are secure in their own abilities is when true freedom begins.

On Discussions of Human Nature

I propose that the discussion of the nature of humans is actually less a point about how people are than it is about the nature of discussing humans. What I mean is that while we go on arguing about people 'being inherently good/bad' we are using words and concepts that are contemporary and mutable ('good' can be defined differently throughout millennia). There may or may not be any true "human nature" that we all share, but the long history of making it out to be one thing or another demonstrates the evolving views of those who discuss it. For instance, from "Satan" to "humours" to "astrological influence" to "biological determinism", these ideas simply show where public opinion leads to thinking on the subject. It does not actually reflect on how we are as a species, only our limited and temporal (temporary) thoughts about ourselves.

Another issue with this topic is that thoughts may come from individuals who have either done or not done their own 'personal growth' work. Here, I introduce the psychological concept of "projection", whereby things I dislike about myself get assigned to others around me. My point here is that someone who believes humans are essentially evil or sinful may not have confronted their own demons or Jung's concept of "shadow", and therefore has little real understanding of others. These individuals talk about their own opinion or understanding of the world from their own skewed viewpoint and make their own shortcomings about others.

 It is nearly impossible to see things objectively, as we are all seeing the world from a necessarily singular, individual viewpoint. Instead of demanding that all people are one way or another, it may be more helpful to consider each person as they are. Rather than demanding that 'everyone is selfish' and behaving as if that were true, find out how each person is on their own. We can, at a minimum, acknowledge that-despite a possible 'nature'-all humans are able to change and grow. This would allow us to accept how we are now while working to become better versions of ourselves.

How Seeking Identity Sucks

While the push for individuality is prevalent and seen in diverse media throughout daily life, it is juxtaposed with the fundamental refusal of self-reflection within the U.S. culture. Briefly, this refusal is demonstrated by the constant blame of "others", denial of wrongdoing by "me" (whoever is speaking), and lack of transparency in discourse or dialogue. This dynamic becomes an inauthentic parade to display for others rather than actually express ones' individuality. Without the ability to find and accept who one is, the result is the suppression of self and taking on of roles. This can be seen in the way people talk about each other, as family, friends, coworkers, etc. Labels like "my rock", the "fun friend", "Blanche to my Dorothy" (substitute your own pop-culture reference), or the "go-to guy" are prevalent. One may seek to 'live up to' a reputation, or to use one of the above labels in order to be unique or, more precisely, to have value. Believing one only has value as an individual because of being witnessed and judged as being an individual does not indicate a healthy self-image.

 

A part of the pursuit of 'The Good Life' is the futile flight from conformity. Individuality can be an internalized form of domination when people are trapped by thinking that their value only has to do with money. The fear of being seen as the same as everyone else (especially potent in an individualistic society) means that wealth is the only way to be oneself since the wealthy are the ones seen as expressing individual flair (and deserving of the label 'iconoclast'). The Lego Movie shows us the danger of conforming, and how forgettable Emmet is before becoming 'The Special'. Even Wyldstyle disdains him openly for not being a Master Builder. The initial message is that anyone who has no discernible outward or visible difference is nothing. It is only at the end of the movie that we find the concept that every individual has something to offer as themselves. This mirrors the reality that people can feel and see, where social media and popular culture are filled with sensational, odd individuals and stolid, sensible people are dismissed.

 

The question of self can also be found when I blend in to various groups and don't seem to have a solid "me"-sometimes people will say they are a 'chameleon'. This is actually an example of humanity, universality, and commonality amongst all of us. It is not a problem or suspicious to be able to relate, since we are all more alike than we are irretrievably different. It also relates to the concept of code-switching, an important ability to act appropriately in different situations.

 

Finally, what would it mean to have an identity? If I do accept myself, does anyone else? Is the essence of who I am only valid without influence from anyone else or despite those around me? We are a social species, and depend on the social environment we swim through everyday to offer cues as to "how we are". What this means is that prejudice is learned through our surroundings, just as oppression is internalized. Contrarily, celebration of differences and equity for all can be learned through exposure to others. My ability to find and celebrate myself is a prerequisite for doing the same for others, so I hope we can make this process less daunting with time.

Top down versus bottom up

The idea being that collectively deciding, or cooperative (like the old idea of the co-op), we make better decisions and more people benefit. When an individual decides or makes the decision for a group or multiple others, a person can easily and erroneously make decisions based on their own interests rather than that of the groups. In business, decisions made by "thought leaders", CEOs, a small number Board of Directors, or just the owner of the business – these are all examples of this tendency. It is also this tendency for small groups to think small, or to limit their scope of value, that leads to cutting corners, outsourcing, and overvaluing the bottom line, and in the end disaster (see: Bhopal, financial crisis 2008, Exxon Valdez, Deepwater Horizon, Hurricane Katrina/New Orleans, etc.).

So this tendency is inherent in hierarchical system, and most businesses, and does not lead to the greatest good for the greatest number. The values and priorities of the few (elite) do not reflect those of the many (majority).

On the other hand, collections of individuals (working toward a common goal) value "people goals". Instead of maximizing profits for the business, people value maximizing happiness, capability, and helping others. It is through these actions that people both get and give fulfillment. So rather than a successful individual driving the economy, as happens now with "luxury" being prioritized over functionality – see Flint Michigan. Rather than expensive vacations to exotic locations, custom vehicles, designer clothing, and mansions, what most people would choose to value is stable income, safe and reliable housing and transport, some expendable income and leisure time, and choices around having children. These priorities are not reflected in the economy, where Apple, ExxonMobile, deBeers, and Microsoft top the investment banking worlds.

Much like micro loans, being given the power and opportunity to fulfill everyday citizens' dreams, this is very important. What is currently happening is, instead, the same individuals being told what opportunities they will be allowed to have and even what dreams to pursue.

I recommend The Wisdom of Crowds, published in 2004, written by James Surowiecki.

Confirmation and bias

It seems there is a portion of the population which struggles with accepting the world the way it is. People who hear what they want to hear, and anything contradicting their worldview is automatically wrong. However, whatever they hear – no matter how outlandish – as long as it fits with their established perspective, is given credence.

One might think I'm discussing religion zealots, however this applies to larger proportions than those who identify with a religion. It is a human tendency, whereby our lazy brains want to use as little energy as possible in order to solve any problem. It allows us to short-cut the process of information evaluation, and especially now that information is so readily available, this is appealing. Finding definitive answers that stand up to rigorous scrutiny actually seems more difficult, now that there are so many sources and varied interpretations to evaluate. It can be understandable to avoid all that work, and focus on more important matters. This may all indicate an underlying discomfort with uncertainty, whereby an answer must explain everything under all circumstances to be valid and any explanation that only deals with parts of a question must be entirely worthless.

 

However, a larger problem is that it can lead to dismissing others' opinions and insurmountable disagreement. If I have to hold on to my opinion no matter what evidence arises to contradict it, then I cannot hear what someone else has to say on the subject. This results in unwillingness to have simple conversation, and avoiding entire topics which can be vital to resolve. I am not advocating an entirely relative perspective, where we cannot know anything for certain and therefore must listen to any new opinion with equal credence. I simply point out the difficulty presented by the current system which lacks the ability to resolve anything, regardless of controversy or validity.