An Extreme State of Mind

    I am writing this because it addresses something that has been important for me, personally. The title is not about politics. It is not a diagnosis nor mental illness, and is not about "fixing" anything, nor to start a "trend"—I am not an "influencer" (ick).

     What this has to do with is being subject to the dichotomy of "all-or-nothing" and "on or off". The general expectation is having low- or medium-intensity emotions, with people ranking things in order of preference or "being mildly annoyed versus angry or irate", all being higher or lower states of the emotion. However, I find that I do not experience this in many ways. Instead, it seems there are two categories: "important things" and "not". Choosing dinner, which show to watch, or any number of choices are trivial; other people care, they will even argue passionately for their preference. However, most of these day-to-day items do not rise to the level of "important" enough to care about for me. In all other ways I can detect, these is nothing different about me. I have been to therapy and had diagnostic instruments used to detect mental health issues; similarly, I have been seen by a physician all my life with no abnormalities reported. I express emotions and have memories that are easy to recall, I experience pain and exhilaration as others do. I have friends, work, engage in hobbies, and enjoy my family—essentially "normal" in every discernible way, except this minor oddity. It can seem as though I am simply content to "go with the flow" or that I do not actually care about anything that much. However, that is not the case; I have struggled at times to overcome others' expectations about what I "should" care about. In being authentically me in this way, it has appeared as weird or wrong to others.

    Again, this is not about being "special" or having an "excuse" for the way I am. It is simply about understanding something about me and accepting that it for what it is. It causes no difficulties, but serves as a clear indication of something that needs to be addressed. It is not a choice to feel the depth of passion about those few subjects and be dismissive of the others. I have some amount of pride, in truth, that instances of injustice and oppression will trigger such a strong response. My outrage or other strong emotion impels me to say something no matter how impolite it may seem or uncomfortable it makes me, and that is useful. It can be helpful that anyone around me is taken by surprise, only because it causes them to pay more direct attention and analyze the situation differently than if everyone were simply clucking their tongues and saying "isn't that a shame".

    I share this for two reasons. First, in case there are other folks out there with a similar "oddity". Second, to convey that whatever anyone's particular peculiarity is that is "just part of them", it should be acceptable. Despite the disruption to social norms or "decorum", these traits can be useful.