A while ago (Do what you want to the girl... 26Dec06) I said: Since it is the actions that count, rather than what we claim we will do, then it is our actions which indicate who we truly are. It is past time that I supported and explained that.
I once heard an aphorism that stuck in my mind: in the end you are what you pretend to be (evidently this is not a direct quote from Kurt Vonnegut). What I mean by actions demonstrating who we are is that our intentions or promises do not make something happen. It is only when we fulfill our promise that it becomes truly meaningful. I can intend to ask someone out on a date or intend to apologise for hurting someone, but unless I follow through it won't matter. I do not discount intention in saying this, because I do not see this as all/nothing, either/or. It simply means that unless I actually go to that person and apologise they will never know if I'm sorry; meaning to say, "I'm sorry" doesn't matter to them, they want to hear me say it. Actions are also linked back to intent and mean more when done with purpose. If I save a life on accident it indicates less about me than if I set out to do so. The person whose life I've saved doesn't much care, they're just happy to be alive and I've still done a great service. Do I deserve to be called a hero, though? Think of a firefighter rushing into a burning building and rescuing a baby. Now think of someone who trips at the bottom of a stair and, unintentionally, is the soft landing place for an infant who fell from a great height. Both have saved a baby, but which should be thought of as "heroic"? This example can work in reverse as well: a firefighter who accidentally kills a child while performing regular duties versus a criminal who shoots a child to escape the police. Which should be judged more harshly? The focus here is how others see us and feel they can best judge us. Actions are observable while thoughts or intentions are not. We choose what we will do, while we may not always be in such control of our thoughts and emotions. Furthermore, actions can change and different choices can be made even in the last instant. These factors mean our actions have more of an impact on others. As social creatures, we mostly determine who we are in the context of others. We get feedback from others, which shows us what is desirable and what isn't. This influences what we do to fit in and will colour our future choices. We "live up (or down) to" people's expectations of us, mostly to those whose opinions matter to us. For all these reasons, "who we are" is made up of family, friends, peers, strangers, and idols. It may be simple and attractive to say that people's actions are their own responsibility, but it is so much more complex than that. Rare is the person who acts in a vacuum of influence and is totally independent from others. This is why our actions, and by extension who we choose to be, are important: because they are formed by and impact those around us while being refracted through the prism of our being.
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