Fairy Tale Ideals

Communication is difficult. It's tricky for me to be clear in writing and I work hard to be understood, just as I do in person. I judge I'm not alone in struggling to have others understand what I say. It struck me the other day how easy it is in fairy tales for people (and even non-human entities) to talk and understand one another. This ties in with my complaint about how simplistic and dichotomous these stories are. There isn't any doubt about what the princess wants, so the prince doesn't need to ask to marry her. Neither is there any question of what should happen to the big, bad wolf or evil stepmother. It's right there as part of their names.

Anderson, the Grimms, and Disney are not the only ones to blame. Parents who have not resolved their own unrealistic expectations and communication issues are a bigger problem. It becomes a cycle where unprepared and immature adults pass on their limited understandings the best they can to their children. I see this as no less a responsibility than talking calmly to rather than hitting a child to teach them.

These stories in no way prepare children to form realistic understandings of the world, and that would be fine if they had nothing to do with the topic of shaping expectations. However, these stories are moral tales that give a sense of fairness and the benefits of being "good". Especially since these are the stories that the most important people in the child's life choose to share they have a serious weight and importance. Being backed up by flashy media and repackaging of the same ideals outside the home contributes to the problem.


When children grow up with this, they must struggle to integrate these ideals into the reality they encounter. Since these books and movies are so simple, they are led to believe that communication should be effortless and bad people wear pointy hats or have fangs. What can it mean when they have trouble talking with others? What are they supposed to think when their "prince" can't just read their mind? How can they have realistic expectations of themselves and their partners with all these stories of "true love" flying around? What about when their princess doesn't share their ideas of fairness and how to be "good"? Or when their stepmother comforts them after dad beats them?

I'm glad for movies like Shrek and Up because they are showing a different side to these fables. I can even appreciate some of the recent contributions to female empowerment through movies like Brave (and I've heard many great things about Maleficent). I think there need to be more relate-able and honest stories like these for our children. They can handle some reality in their fantasies.