What is a Lie?

I think this seemingly simple question needs to be asked from time to time because attitudes and perceptions change. However, just because one thinks it is "not lying" to not declare certain things on a tax form, to 'keep from hurting feelings' by reassuring someone they are attractive when they are not, consider an act not to be "sex" just because it does not include a penis inside a vagina, or even because "I was the only one there, no one will ever know different."

A lie is inherently and totally a lie. It isn't "half-truth" or even "stretching the truth", it is just a lie. To say otherwise is to lie. The point being that this practice of ignoring small examples of lying degrades the meaning and importance of the concept of truth. Beyond being influenced by popular attitudes about what it means to lie, we can also address what kind of person uses lies and when it acceptable to engage in lying. Let us be clear about what is a "lie" and to agree on that definition; to the dictionary!

LIE (noun)

1. a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.

2. something intended or serving to convey a false impression; imposture.

3. an inaccurate or false statement; a falsehood.

4. the charge or accusation of telling a lie.

5. to speak falsely or utter untruth knowingly, as with intent to deceive.

6. to express what is false; convey a false impression.

Synonyms: prevaricate, fib.

Antonyms: truth.

 

TRUTH

1. the true or actual state of a matter.

2. conformity with fact or reality; verity.

3. a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.

4. the state or character of being true.

5. actuality or actual existence.

6. an obvious or accepted fact; truism; platitude.

7. honesty; integrity; truthfulness.

Here is clear and encompassing definition, but quite dry. One important revelation would be to note that truth deals with reality. This means that if one lies, one is out of synchrony with reality, with the world. If this is minor, then it may possibly not have excessive impact. However, if this is endemic, if it touches on many or most areas of my life, then lies and lying can put me in a poor position to relate and interact with the world around me.

Another piece to note is that lying typically requires some amount of intent, whereas just being wrong or in error does not. This means that I can mistakenly answer a question, but in order to lie I had to want to provide inaccurate information on some level. Only I can know my intent, but others can assign malignant intent to my action or words. This is important because by not being honest about my own uncertainty, I can indirectly invite others to view me as willfully deceiving them.


To be clear, I am not advocating for a standard of always telling the truth, surprising as it may sound by this point. My aim is to clarify and reorient, and to advocate for awareness and choice in truth and lies. This awareness can lead to better outcomes, since people do things based on their beliefs. This does not necessarily lead to changing them, but can mean they are no longer unchallenged assumptions, rather they hold their correct status of personal attitude.

I recognize that lying or even the ability to lie is not totally bad. Humour often relies on untrue premises. Imagination relies on overcoming reality and using the ability to see things as they could be. Sometimes hope in the face of imminent destruction keeps us searching for answers when acceptance of reality would cripple us. However, I believe that blindly choosing one or the other path will not serve. I work to acknowledge and limit my lies so that I can be in better relation with those around me.

Finally, I will leave you with this eloquent and beautiful quote:
Above all, do not lie to yourself. A man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie becomes unable to recognize truth either in himself or anywhere around him, and thus falls into disrespect towards himself and others. Not respecting anyone, he ceases to love, and having no love, he gives himself up to passions and coarse pleasures, in order to occupy and amuse himself, and behaves in the end like an animal in satisfying his vices, and it all comes from lying continually to others and to himself. A man who lies to himself is often the first to take offense. It sometimes feels very good to take offense, doesn't it? And surely he knows that no one has offended him, and that he himself has invented the offense and told lies just for the beauty of it, that he has exaggerated for the sake of effect, that he has picked on a word and made a mountain out of a pea — he knows all of that, and still he is the first to take offense, he likes feeling offended, it gives him great pleasure, and thus he reaches the point of real hostility.
Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov