There is an odd idea that seems pervasive throughout U.S. culture and exists without much context or discussion. You may readily think of any number of examples where that could apply, but I refer to the notion of "will-power" as the determining factor in a conflict or contest. It struck me quite profoundly as I watched a scene in Marvel's movie Avengers: Infinity War. It has been mentioned elsewhere online and likely argued over by nerds everywhere since its release in 2018. The scene happens towards the end of the film, where Captain America holds back Thanos for a second. It has been established that Thanos is a super-humanly powerful being, and him being the only one with the will to see his plan through. While Rogers is an enhanced human, he should be no match for Thanos. Yet, what defines Captain America is his refusal to stand down; he has faced unfair odds all his life and never hesitated to fully commit to the fight. The message is clear: this moment is not about objective or physical strength, but all about a will to win. Those few moments of struggle convey much of the idea which I am suggesting is problematic in real life.
Fantasy may be a grand place for such notions, where the very desire for an outcome creates the result one wants. However, it is too easy for people to delude themselves that such things are possible in reality. If you think no one could fall for this nonsense, remember that people pray for things or talk about "manifesting" their desires. I will include another aspect of comic/superhero tropes: the strength, agility, stamina, and other attributes that characters have without having to work at it. On a practical level, it allows the story to move quickly and focus on drama or action within the limited time of a book or movie. However, this also conveys ideas around innate, rather than learned and trained, skills. It seems connected to this "I should have this because I want it" ideal. Also, it is important as it relates to "fixed" and "growth" mindsets, which are worth exploring outside this post. Both these notions (will-power and innate talent) reflect ideas of worthiness and competition. I also recognize that we are dealing with the influence of media and entertainment upon consumers, and how people integrate the ideas they are exposed to from an early age. This is another topic for its own discussion. You may notice I am also not criticizing willpower in general. Grit has recently had a turn in the spotlight, and received a deserved discussion; we do not need to examine that here.
To return to the subject at hand, the psychological term for the belief that we can get something just by wanting is "magical thinking". This term is usually applied to and descriptive of the minds of children. Simply put, a child thinks of something they want and it then happens: someone they were mad at gets hurt or the sky clears of clouds when they want to go outside. There are a number of cognitive fallacies having to do with cause-and-effect, which are abandoned as we learn about the world. Magical thinking can be pernicious because of social pressures and/or personal experiences. Another component of this is children being egocentric. It is normal development for young humans to have no innate understanding that parts of the world are separate from them and their concerns. To a child, everything that they experience is about them and because of them. It is estimated that we develop empathy (here meaning
an ability to consider others' experiences) by roughly 8 years of
age. As with all abilities, empathy requires support to fully develop, so this depends on individual experience. Along with empathy, it is likely we also differentiate our self from the rest of the world during the same process. After all, it requires understanding that others are separate from ourselves in order to empathize with their differences. To believe that I should get what I want simply because I want it, or want it "more" (what scale measures that?) than someone else, is a selfish and egocentric belief. Once we are able to understand that others have similar desires, we can start to outgrow this tendency. We find it is just part of living with other humans that only sometimes do we get what we want. Unless there is an unlimited supply of something, we must take turns. This knowledge can inform our social development, as how we seek to fulfill needs comes into contact with others.
Above, I mentioned "worthiness and competition", and now these ideas come into focus. We must have methods for sharing, determining whose turn it is, and mitigating disappointment. These "wins" and "losses" can influence how we see ourselves, and how deserving we believe ourselves to be. It may be tempting to construct some superhuman entity which makes these determinations, thus relieving us of the burden of being the winner. Seeing others lose out hurts us because it is natural to empathize with them. We also know what it feels like because of our own turns as the loser. However, that magical thinking denies our agency in the very things we want because it eliminates the work and sacrifice of "taking turns". It gives up our self-determination, as it becomes a matter of some "universal force" making those decisions. While it can be a mitigating strategy ("I just was not meant to win" or "God willed it so"), it allows little room for improvement and skill-building. This is why it is so closely tied with fixed and growth mindsets. For any number of reasons, the creation of a supernatural force determining who "wins" is problematic. Now that we have arrived at some understanding of the developmental and social factors involved, we have opportunities to influence what sort of world we live in. Do we prefer a competitive world where each must develop methods of manipulation (of both self and others) to achieve goals? Do we prefer a cooperative world where we accept and encourage rational and honest ways of interacting?
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