Society is comprised of varying individuals with differing perspectives and motivations. In order for the society to function--just for it to be possible for any citizen to go about tasks involving others--there need to be common understandings and rules. Most of the time, in western cultures, each individual is "looking out for #1" and leaving other people to do the same. This makes rules especially important, as they prevent one person's self-interest from harming another. Pollution, traffic, price gouging and more are regulated by our common laws, which are the agreements we make when we engage in public spaces. Usually, we are operating from an inherent understanding of the rules in society; we do not consider it acceptable to brush our teeth while riding the bus, for instance. These are shared spaces, and where the rules are not set by law, they are determined by norms and mores [MORE-AYS] (those expectations internalized through living in a culture). These laws and rules make day-to-day life possible with the strangers we live amongst because they provide templates for interactions. There is no need to negotiate each purchase, since the price is clearly marked and there is a "check-out" where one pays; the experience is an established routine, no matter which store one enters. If I attempt to change this routine, things get confusing and others will question my capacity to participate in public activities. Similarly, one does not need to guess, or question other drivers about, who goes first at a 4-way intersection since there are clear laws for determining that answer. As an aside, it is actually this situation that alerted me to things being amiss some time ago. Additionally, there are certain fundamental understandings which guide behavior in novel circumstances. We all know which side of the road to drive on. Even non-drivers know this, as it is part of everyday life. Additionally, pedestrians use the same left-hand drive/stay right rule when walking and biking. When encountering another pedestrian, I will automatically tend toward the right, as that is the standard of the country wherein I live. This is also why we will look to others in new situations: to find out what the rules are so that we fit in and avoid trouble. It is only when we are unclear or uncertain about the rules that we recognize how easy they make things. All of this is preamble to explore something which happened to me recently.
Because we are in the midst of a pandemic, the standards are set and widely known. The understanding is, and has been, "wear a mask, and stay six feet apart." This pandemic is complicated by folks seeming to seek out conflict regarding masks, denying that this disease is worrisome, and disregarding the health and discomfort of others by violating the reasonable, minor precautions most people are utilizing. Where I live is a low-traffic, residential area, and there is a common standard that has grown out of living through the past year. As a group, people here seldom wear masks outdoors, instead choosing to keep extra space between us. This is the expectation or social norm that has been 'agreed to' by common practice in public, outdoor spaces. I was walking on the sidewalk and there were a couple people approaching from the opposite direction. There were many factors to consider with these strangers, but I had many previous instances to guide me. However, as these folks grew closer, I felt my apprehension rise and I began to consider that I might get "too close" to them. It happened that they did not move to their right, nor acknowledge our proximity in any way. We came abreast each other at a place with a fence to my right, so I had nowhere to retreat. We were so close I could have reached out and touched them, and my reaction was nearly to push them away, so strong was my revulsion and alarm. Instead, my arm acted as a sort of spacer as I raised it with my hand open, and we passed this bottleneck as I quickened my pace. In a few steps, I heard one of them say something like, "What's that about?!" I turned, and expressed (repeating to myself to remain calm) that they had been too close; the reply was effectively, "Just say something!". I took this to mean that my reaction was too impactful, although I remain uncertain how my panicked "Get away!" would have been received. It is common to believe oneself to have the correct answer in a situation, and their response indicates a desire to modify my reaction rather than examine their own assumptions. I do not claim that I am without fault, as in writing this I have recognized how anxious I have become over the course of the past year.
This post is mostly about expectations, and when it may be acceptable (or necessary) to violate them. As I outlined above, we operate daily on shared expectations and are thus able to function together in public. However, I also firmly believe that we are expected to accept and account for different perspectives in a democratic society. My experience is about a willingness to allow others to violate norms-even when I feel wronged by their actions. For example, I have crossed the street when someone pushing a baby stroller was on "my side" (my right, their left). An inconvenience, and something I "should not need to do" given the reasoning in the first paragraph. However, I remain willing to make an effort to maintain my own safety, to accommodate the limitations of others, and accept that--when I am uncomfortable--it is up to me to resolve that discomfort insofar as it does not conflict with others' needs. A society must work together through disagreements, even when certain citizens do not understand or experience the conditions that others are complaining about. We have been living through two such experiences simultaneously: irritation about wearing masks and protest of state-sponsored, racist murder. I am not equating them, but wish to point out how they have similarities despite being fundamentally different. My hope in doing so is to alleviate some contention between said groups, or prevent others from conflating them.
Because this is intended to be a democracy, for the safety of the greatest number of citizens we should "err on the side of caution". In the pandemic, we have a small number of folks who claim that masks are an unnecessary burden, and consider themselves "protestors". In this case, the cost of accommodating these citizens would be an increase in illness and deaths. However, if we investigate their claims while continuing to wear masks (properly, and including those citizens), fewer people will die. If it had turned out that we all looked a bit silly afterwards because it was not as serious as most feared-then that's the price. We sacrifice a bit of pride by looking silly, but can hold our heads high because we did it in order to protect others. Thankfully, it has become clear that the preventative measures we were able to enact are adequately effective, and the numerous anti-mask "protestors" who have recanted on their deathbed attests to the seriousness of this situation. This last point also indicates how easy it can be for any of us to downplay a situation until we experience it. This leads us to Black Lives Matter, and the statement that persons of color are targeted and killed by police. Here, the cost of continuing under current policing practices does not lead to more lives being saved. If we kept the status quo and had those protestors await changes until a full evaluation could be done, more lives would be lost if they were right. This is complicated by needing an objective set of studies to determine the truth of the matter, which is part of the very problem needing evaluation: racism skews how issues are seen. Any of us who have not experienced it cannot understand what it is like. The same policy of erring on the side of caution dictates that we act swiftly to change police practices and save lives.
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