Failure

There are at least two ways to overcome a fear of failure: do nothing or fail. Many only make it to the first, where they keep things from other people. Hiding their emotions, motivations, and dreams so that others cannot access them, attack them, criticize them, ridicule them. That is what most of us resort to, it is cowardly and does not lead to reaching our goals. Too often we are beaten down, trampled on, and laughed at by others whose own insecurity demands that no one else be allowed to flourish. So we stop trying, we give up and do nothing, and by not attempting we are never faced with failing at anything. To these people, others success is not a guidepost or motivator, but acts as a reminder of their own failure. We should not allow these people to determine how we live our lives, certainly we should not become one of them. The alternative is to grow, to develop more maturity and wisdom. So now is the time to move on: set a goal, announce it, and then do not meet it. Then it is a failure, it is out of the way, and you can deal with it, are forced to deal with it. There is no one way to overcome that disappointment, there is no way to study for it or avoid the feeling of 'failure'. It will always be there to haunt you if you let it, but that failure, or feeling of failure, isn't the end. It is simply a part of life, and will have to be accepted as such. Everyone fails, but most do not learn from their failures and then take the next step, to go back and succeed. If we truly want success, then nothing will stand in our way; we will find a way, it just takes more determination than most people seem to have these days.

Disclaimer

I felt that I should warn those who are reading this that I don't owe any special allegience to Heidigger, Machiavelli, Neitzche, Einstein, Sun Tzu, Descartes, or Socrates, so don't expect to see a lot of their ideas represented here. I basically publish my own personal take on the world here, and may misrepresent some things when I discuss the thoughts of others. This is because I don't know everything, so I should further mention that if you came here for all the answers, the secret is that you have to find them for yourself. I thought that it might be a good time to put this up here just in case anyone needed a reminder.

Go Get Your Own Cause

Even I don’t want to improve the world for the noblest and most righteous of motives; I have very selfish interests in mind. In the end, even my very real desire to make it better for every person, it is at heart a self-serving one. Though my stated goal is to improve the world for all, when I make those changes for everyone else, I am also improving it for myself; and that is not incidental nor a side effect, it is the desired effect whether I admit it or not. Since I would only wish to change those things that I consider needing changing, and I am limited to my own set of standards, there is a very simple, self-based being and intellect choosing the goals I strive for. Even if the things that I better are somehow in the general populations’ best interests, I only undertake to change them out of the desire to alleviate some concern of my own. Not everyone will agree with them, and many may want very different improvements or concerns to be dealt with, but that’s their own predicament, isn’t it?

Ice Cream and Evil

I posted earlier on the subject of choice, concentrating on the issue that some people have with allowing others to make choices. I want to discuss now another aspect of choosing, which is how to make a choice; especially gaining information in order to choose. For example, in order to decide what kind of ice cream you enjoy or wish to have, what do you base your choice on? There are many factors to consider, but if you come across a new flavor, and you haven’t experienced those ingredients before, how can you know if you’ll like it? I hope that many of you have just answered, "Try it!" Not only is it an appetizing method of choosing and gaining more information for making that decision, it is an experience: something more you have gone through to give yourself another in a (hopefully) long series of instructive moments in life. Each attempt, even the failed or unpalatable, is at least more information to make further decisions from. We often need all the help and detailed information that we can acquire, so making those mistakes and learning from them leads towards what we do desire: success. Whether we want to find the most delicious dessert or a job to spend one’s life doing, this method works equally well. So, if mistakes are beneficial and necessary, why do people spend so much time avoiding them? It is because we are trained to do so, we are constantly told as we mature, to “Get it right!” and “Not screw up!” In addition to being kept from opportunities and experiencing things, we are kept from learning those important lessons, as well as the benefit of learning about ourselves and our world. After all, the only way to know evil is to encounter it, the only way to know right is to do it. If children are kept sheltered from danger and not told about real threats to them, how are they ever to understand what to avoid? How can they truly know? The fairy tales they hear disguise the dangers they will face and only teach them to listen to and obey their elders. What happens when they grow up and the elders are not around is they are lost and still need someone else to direct them. It is important for our children to learn these lessons for themselves so they can be better prepared to avoid future problems and know what they actually want.

What Is Wrong With...?

It may be a bumper sticker, but it still holds true what it says, “None of us is free if one of us is jailed.” The idea being, of course, that if we don't all get there together none of us can truly get there. This statement may seem ridiculous on its face, but it bears some thought. After all, what is wrong with some or even one person “getting there” and why if one person does would we all need to? Competition, and its adjunct capitalism, is based upon the concept that every situation results in either ‘win’ or ‘loss’. The idea being that if only one can ‘win’ then all will want to be that one and strive for it, but only that one individual will succeed and gain the reward; all others will ‘lose’, resulting in feelings of defeat and envy, discouragement-any number of things which supposedly motivate them to try all the harder next time. These people are not actually ‘losers’, they are capable and deserve their own reward, and are just as worthy of a tangible prize for their considerable efforts. This is part of the problem: no one should have to put forth such energy in an endeavor to receive nothing in return. Competition always results in a substantial misuse and/or waste of effort and energy. Further, competing means that every participant loses. The very act of competing against one’s fellow employees or applicants, classmates, family and friends, etc., creates tension and strife. It is undesirable and unnecessary since the same outcome can be achieved with different means, which preserves everyone’s self-worth and contributes to the harmony and performance of the whole group. Finally, every ‘win’ is only temporary; so even the happy ‘winner’ will be unhappy later when they ‘lose’ too. When the only way to succeed is to ‘win’-whether in a sport, relationship, or job-we miss the point.
The point of performing a job is to do the best one can, not just to out-perform another person; in recreation the idea is to play a game the best one can, not just better than a particular opponent. In a relationship this attitude could mean that one is out to ‘win’ arguments, always be “right”, or in charge, and/or make the decisions. Competing or inciting competition means that you are driving people to fight against each other which cannot be beneficial. The only real ‘winner’ is the person who reaps the rewards of the efforts of all the participants, which more and more is none of the competitors, but someone who already has power. Basically the artificial creation of inequalities is unnecessary and deprives every person involved of integrity, compassion, and unity. The idea of interdependence is key in many philosophies, and in practice allows for all people to ‘win’. When we recognize the necessity of everyone and their contributions and stop fighting against each other, then we will be able to achieve more and “get there” more happily.