We Are All Ugly Girls

Just like an ugly girl who grows up feeling worthless and unlovable, we are treated as though we are desirable only for those tasks we can perform in service to others and are ourselves without inherent value. We are the same as that girl, we all have talents that we can use but we are forced into using those few abilities and performing specific tasks which serve, not ourselves, but those who want to preserve their stature and power over us. These people know what works for them and focus solely on that, on funneling all our energy into those areas whether we want to or even notice. That is the heart of their game: doing these things to us without our realizing it, having us buy in to their social order so completely we don’t even know we are selling ourselves. We are all prostitutes in some way or another, our only hope is to recognize how and then overcome those limitations. The girl can save up to pay for some procedure like breast implants, and be loved for her appearance in some small way which makes her feel that she has overcome the greatest obstacle to her being accepted, when in reality she has simply fed into it further by allowing her emotional well-being to depend on what others have told her she should be valued for. It isn't her fault that the people around her are telling her that she can hope only to become physically desirable in some way to compensate for her "ugliness" or-even worse-intelligence! How many girls have been told to devote time to learning how to attract a mate (meaning: "some guy who may not respect, love, or even know you, but who will nonetheless provide for you and your children") instead of being encouraged to cultivate her brains and be able to provide for and love herself? Self reliance and independence are the enemies of those users, who depend on our inability to function without them.

To Grok

The Webster’s dictionary defines this as: “[coined in a sci-fi novel by Robert A. Heinlein (1961)] [Slang] to understand thoroughly because of having empathy (with).” Unlike the dictionary, I am not claiming to have the absolute or final definition of any word; here I will simply attempt to convey what this one means to me. To begin with, it is not some flighty, “Oh, I get what you’re saying.”, but a deep, visceral comprehension. A school of philosophy holds that one must live the philosophy. They say just as a menu is not a meal, life is not thinking about it, but doing. So to grok something is to become that object in a sense-to eliminate as much as possible the barriers between one’s ‘self’ and the ‘other’. When you can truly live inside anothers being, no matter how foreign that other is, you have ‘grokked’ it. This may be difficult for many to handle because it applies to all things, from an ant to a serial killer. Before you object, what I am saying is that only by understanding murderers can we stop them or, ideally, prevent them from starting. Just because we understand, or in this case grok, something’s function or meaning does not mean that we leave it on its own to suffer or spread suffering. If you truly want to understand something or someone, then you have to let go of all those ‘filters’ that stand in the way. We need to accept whatever the thing is can only be itself, not what we want it to be. Finally, one needs to grasp the entirety of the being. It is easy to love something in one context, but then find out something else that changes that feeling. To be drawn to and appreciate the power and elegance of a lioness is not the same as facing a hungry one unprotected. Essentially, one needs to immerse ones’ self within a complete knowledge of the thing. I believe that once this understanding has occurred, then one will Love that thing. I use the capital ‘L’ here to differentiate from the everyday use of the word because it has more than the pedestrian meaning. The feeling is more pronounced because of its context. This is, in part, because everything Loves itself; it has to or it would be self-destructive/suicidal. So when we grok a thing, we Love it as if we were Loving ourselves, rather than how we would love something separate from our self. Also, if you Love something, then you must grok that thing; it gets difficult to determine which comes first, actually. True, deep understanding inevitably leads to Love. Conversely, to hate something is to reject it and fear it. Just remember, no one said it would be easy.

Guns and Freedom

In the U.S., there is a guarantee of the “Right to bear arms” meaning that people are free to own handguns, rifles, etc. Supposedly this means that they are able to, and will, fight back against anyone who tries to take their freedoms. This argument goes all the way back to the founding of the country, when they declared that they were no longer subject to another nation’s rule. To ensure their independence they allowed that persons would have redress and ability to counteract any tyranny imposed on them. The government would be composed of citizens who could speak out against the governing body instead of being ruled by it, would have access to legal counsel if accused of a crime instead of being held without cause, and would have arms to defend against the attack of outside forces. The firearm became protection against not just robbers or bears, but a symbol of security from domination and taking a stand against oppression. The problem with symbols is that their time passes and sometimes people don’t realize it. How much use is a gun against a corporation who comes into your community and destroys it not by killing or burning, but by taking away the economic underpinnings? A corporation that you and your neighbors support, by the way, when you buy the goods made by that entity or its subsidiary! What good will rifles do against the decision of management to ‘downsize’ your division? Would you march into the corporate offices and demand that you have your job back or you’ll kill them all? Today’s problems are not the same as those we faced as a people 150, or even 50, years ago. Today a person’s best and greatest weapon is the mind (which it always has been, even though it may not be recognized as such). If our brains are empty, we can’t know our enemy; if we are ignorant to the facts, we cannot make effective decisions. Worst of all, feeling helpless, or dependent upon someone else, we may point our weapons at the wrong target. This naïveté can only lead to abuse, the situation is ripe for a new kind of control to be put in place. As long as this new form of tyranny doesn’t place any limit on our owning firearms, it will be accepted by those who consider guns sacred. I am not suggesting here that we do away with them, just that we recognize their uses and limitations. Not every problem can or should be answered with gunfire.

Get Out of Your Own Way

People make life harder than it has to be. This is aside from all the difficulties that we inherently face such as social and economic background, intelligence, and geographic locale. Outside all the things we have no control over, not recognizing those things that one does to sabotage ones’ self in things large and small is a separate problem. Of course the first step in solving a problem is recognizing that it exists, so we need to know that we are doing this. For myself, I know that a couple of my biggest problems are procrastinating and lack of planning. Spontaneity is great, but some events do need to be organized prior to their actual occurrence. Having said that, even I know that it isn’t all there is to it; now I have to learn how to overcome these things, which I have done all my life and seem natural to me. How difficult is it for people that choose to not recognize those habits that get in their way? Some people are martyrs, others controlling, some perfectionists, and on and on. These habits, all the little behaviours that we learned along the way to deal with things in our life, some work and others do not. Too many have accepted what has developed, what has been pushed on them. A lot of people are trying to make excuses, to leave themselves blameless for the harm they do to themselves and others. We need to recognize that none of us is perfect and we can all realize what we are doing wrong and change it to our betterment and the improvement of the world around us. We need to do that for ourselves and those we care about; understand that your life can be so much better because of this. If you aren’t examining yourself and what you do, then you are just being manipulated, either by your “self” (all that makes you a unique individual-most of which you acquired from others) and anyone that knows you. Do we really have anything better to be doing with our lives than living them? It isn’t easy to find these things out and change them, to take away the seemingly automatic ‘triggers’ that determine how you react in a situation. Of course not, but after all, what worth doing is easy?

Relationships

It is difficult to come to an agreement on this subject, even though it is one that we all deal with at some time in our lives. The greatest problem is that so many people are mixed up about so much in their life that something as fundamental and powerful as being loved and loving others is beyond them-and this goes double for those struggling to simply survive. On the hierarchy of needs, food beats love every time. By this I mean a person has to be very secure in order to really love another, and being worried about where one’s next meal is or what another person thinks is not a very secure foundation. Even after settling one's life by meeting those basic needs, one still has to gain experience with the subject. By this, I mean that thinking about something and actually doing it are very different experiences. People often fantasize about relationships, but those are idealized to minimize effort for maximum rewards-as all fantasies are; real relationships are not like that, they are all work. Further, to do something well always takes practice, yet we are told that we will simply get this "right" the first time! Supposedly the first time we fall in love, we will have found the person with whom we spend the rest of our lives. Also, evidently, making friends and getting along with fellow students, coworkers, etc., is natural, because we aren’t taught how to make those connections either. After this fantasy we finally come to the reality of it: when we have relationships, we fumble and fail-as we should. The best way to learn something is still to do it. Inevitably we get hurt, we make those mistakes with our relationships. Friends come and go, family is estranged, marriages end; all these things are symptoms of our deficiency. Still we improve over time, each failure teaches us something we need to know. If people truly wanted to avoid these hurts, then we would actually teach the inexperienced what they need to know. There is an old adage, “No [person] is an island.” the problem being that everyone is an island in that we have no natural emotional connection to others. We need to form attachments, even between family, between parents and offspring. This is meant in two different ways: first we “need” to do it because it is important for our well being, and secondly because it isn’t automatic, it does require effort. Finally, what sort of relationships are we forming? Are they strong, healthy ones or are they made from desperation, just to meet our need for companionship? It can be very difficult to tell, unless we examine how it makes us feel. Are you lost without your mate? Does your world revolve around the status of your relationship? Do you feel like you don’t deserve the relationship? Do you sacrifice yourself to maintain the relationship? If you answered, “yes” to any of these questions, you may want to seriously look at what you want out of your life and the relationship you are in. Always remember, you cannot Love another until you Love yourself.